The Ghosts in My Head

I think I need to Tumblr Savior triggers for other than myself.

I was scrolling down my dash, and I ran across a photoset that triggered a really, really nasty wave of nausea. But it wasn’t from me.

It wasn’t even really that graphic. But apparently it was the idea behind it that really hit him. Usually, Jones isn’t very effected by things. Or he’s really good at keeping it from me. I know he’s suffered from PTSD, and I get flashes of it sometimes. Not to mention he doesn’t really sleep. If ghosts/spirits what ever. If they can sleep.

I guess it comes in spells…

And it wasn’t tagged either, so I probably would have come across it anyway.

It was probably the unexpectedness that did it…

They effect me physically.

After channeling Jones for any extended period of time, and even sometimes at random, I get pain through the entirety of my left leg. He suffered a brutal war injury in that leg. Ended up being cause for his discharge.

Max causes pains, and even actual muscle knots in my right shoulder. He hasn’t said why. But his brother is known to ask how his shoulder is feeling.

Aquila causes me to lose sight in my right eye.

I don’t know how to keep it from happening, but it does. It’s not a good thing. Much as I love them, I have my own physical problems to deal with, and don’t need theirs to add to it.

The lack of vision thing is more of a nuisance really…

My grandmother bought my grandfather a refurbished, working M1 at an auction over the weekend. My grandfather showed it to me. He let me take it out, and was going to show me how to put it together.

But I was already putting it back together myself.

Papaw was handing me pieces and telling me where they went, and how to put them on. But I already knew where they went. I didn’t tell Papaw that, though. Otherwise he’d ask how. Or something.

Because honestly, I didn’t know how to put it together. I was acting as if on muscle memory, or someone else’s memory. Jones’s memory.

I felt this sense of familiarity when putting it together. An odd sort of fond nostalgia. It was the same sort of nostalgia I heard in Papaw’s voice as he told me it was the first gun he learned how to shoot in basic, and how he had to be able to take it apart and put it back together blindfolded.

I had to fight really hard not to tell him, “I know. Me too.” And not to verbally agree that it was probably the best rifle the military ever came up with, and be equally as disappointed when he had to use the M16.

Because that was Jones.

And Jones was so very happy right then.

A man walked into my store the other day with a tattoo of the state of New Jersey on his arm.

In the back of my head, I heard an unmistakable cackle and something along the lines of “What a douche bag.”

He doesn’t like Jersey. I think that’s the Brooklyn in him talking.

I came to find that Jones gives the best pep talks. I guess he kind of had to, being in the situations he found himself in during life. Had to boost morale among his troops. 

I also found that in a time where I’m going to be detrimental to myself, he can step in and stop me. At least, now anyway. He’s never been able to do that before I recognized what he was. I’m pretty sure he was always the voice in the back that always prevented me from doing anything too drastic, though. But  this time, he actually took over to the point where he actually prevented my hands from moving to do what they were going to do. 

…I thank him for it. With him at least, I might actually be able to keep trudging over one of my biggest obstacles.

aside from sharing the same “residence”…

They’re all damn perverts.